You are born as the best, the problem starts when you start doubting it!
Are you feeling down and out post your recent failure?
Have you seen more than one failure and wonder if you will ever see success again?
Is fear gnawing away at your self confidence (though you are loathe to admit it)?
Cheer up my friend! I have two good news for you:
First good news is that you are not alone! Millions of people around you are feeling exactly the same. Almost everyone you know, at sometime in their life would have gone through similar feelings. So, this too shall pass!
Second good news is that I have a perspective and a method to share with you. This had helped me immensely when I was feeling as if life had knocked the wind out of me. I really hope that you will find it useful too!
1. I tried to define my quest most clearly. A clear goal helped me define my path more clearly, and gave meaning to my journey. It acted as my beacon to remind me of my larger purpose and what I was seeking. The best part of having my goal clearly etched out in my mind was that there was no space left to think about the difficulties of future or quail about past failures.
2. I reminded myself of 9999 failures of Einstein. The legend says that before successfully making the bulb, Mr Einstein failed for 9999 times. I asked myself, what if he would have given up after 100th or even 1000th or may be even 5000th time? Would the world have been the same? Comparatively, I have failed only twice, thrice or max for the tenth time! What rights do i have to give up until I have tried and failed at least for the 10,000th time? I decided that I will not give up so quickly.
3. Decided to put my head down, started working on it and left results to the God. Guess there is no replacement of hard work and perseverance. Since those are the only two things in my hands, I decided that I will do my best and leave the results to God. (In moments like these I come closer to understanding the true meaning of Bhagvad Gita shloka:
Karmanye Vadhikaraste, Ma phaleshou kada chana – You have the right to perform your actions, but you are not entitled to the fruits of the actions
Ma Karma Phala Hetur Bhurmatey Sangostva Akarmani – Do not let the fruit be the purpose of your actions, and therefore you won’t be attached to not doing your duty.)
I have not found my success yet, but I am very hopeful. There is a spring in my step and I don’t feel the lack of confidence now. I don’t brood over past or berate myself over it anymore (and by some measure that itself is success!).
Dear reader, I hope and pray that you too will find your peace, purpose and eventual success.
Koi mujhse pyar nahin karta! (no one loves me) syndrome has been my faithful partner ever since my childhood. Initially it was my parents who were guilty, then my best friend, followed by my spouse, my colleagues, my neighbour, my maid and the world in general. At various points of time in life, my faith in the syndrome would waver anywhere between 10% to 110%.
Then, I had an earth shattering discovery. Everyone around me also felt the same! How is that possible I asked myself. I love them so much. How can they feel they are not loved? Over few weeks and months and years the answer came to me and left me wondering why I didn’t see it before.
I didn’t feel loved because I didn’t love myself unconditionally, I used to each of my flaw in micro detail. I strongly felt the need to correct my flaws to become more acceptable. So, I tried so hard to be someone they will like that I stoped being myself and eventually even less likeable because guess what…no one likes fakes. Since, I had not accepted myself 100%, I believed that I am less worthy of acceptance and I would judge every minute instance with the same tinted glass of insecurity. As I used to discount all my goodness, I felt that it holds no value for anyone else. Since, I was not my own favourite I was no ones favourite!
After a really long time, lot of heart aches and tears later I figured that being someone else was not working for me! It was causing me immense restlessness and unhappiness.
This was the first step of my self recovery. It took me a lot of time to suppress my instincts to berate myself for everything that I did which did not match my lofty standards. It took me even longer to understand that things that I consider as my flaws are not actually flaws, but behaviours that work in certain situations and more importantly work for me. It was some time before I accepted that I am what I am and while I am not a perfect model from a story or soap opera, I am fairly good and there is no reason why people around me will not love me.
This was the proverbial moment (mmm…actually) phase of truth for me! Once I started believing that I am utterly loveable, I started behaving as a loveable person. My insecurities stopped clouding my judgement of people or situations. The funniest part is that people around me started getting more comfortable with me, my jokes apparently became more funny, my opinion was more sought after and suddenly I found that I was more popular than before. However, I am glad to share with you that those were just side effects.
The real value of the change was that I started valuing myself. I feel completely liberated from any form of pretence. I am a more satisfied and calm person than I ever was. I am secure that I am loved, valued and respected. No more do I think that I am not loved and my insecurities can’t make me think otherwise. I know that I am not perfect but I am happy and that is the only way to be!
If you happen to be one of the intelligent types, who find their remarks to be accurate however they are nit found funny by your listeners or people they are aimed at, then stop and take a deep breath to examine your own grievances.
Your witty remarks sound sarcastic or caustic to others most likely because those comments originate from a bitter heart, resentment of spirit or plain dissatisfaction from your current situation.
If you delve deep and are honest with yourself, you might find a grain of resentment against someone, something or a situation.
1. Be honest with yourself and if there is a resentment accept the same. There is no shame or blame in feeling dissatisfied.
2. Focus on what is your larger objective in life and remember that whatever is causing you the dissatisfaction is just a temporary set back.Just like a flat tyre will not stop you from reaching your destination, this setback will not impact your life significantly. The best way to treat the setback is the way you would treat a flat tyre…forget it the next day…tomorrow is always a new day!
Agree? Don’t agree? Wanna discuss? Write back using the comments section.
For a lactating mother, one of the biggest enemy is cold & cough, for once she catches it, it can easily get passed on to the baby due to the proximity they share.
Here is what helped me to get rid of cold within two days using home remedies:
Remedy no 1: Steam your face for at least 15 minutes. Heat up water in a deep bowl till you see a lot of steam rise from the water. Take the bowl and place it in front of you. Cover yourself with a thick towel / thin blanket or sheet along with the bowl such that there is no gap for the steam to pass. Now absorb the steam for about 15 minutes. Cover your eyes, in case you cannot bear steam on your eye lids.
Remedy no 2: Heat up a spoon of mustard oil and add 2-3 gms of camphor to it. The camphor will completely dissolve in the oil. Apply the oil on your chest, nose, side burns, palms & feet soles. Cover yourself and sleep for an hour or more. Avoid keeping feet on ground immediately after applying the oil.
For best results apply remedy 2 after remedy 1.
It was my husband’s 32nd birthday and I wanted to make it real special, after all it was his first birthday after our marriage.
Since it was his 32nd birthday, I decided to get him 32 gifts to commemorate each year of his being, in which I was not with him. When I had taken it up, I never imagined the difficulty of picking up 32 gifts, where each gift had to pass my high standard of being special. It took me almost three weeks to put everything together but the smile that it brought on his face told me that it was worth the effort.
What were those special gifts?
I will not go into details of the assortment of usual gifts like magnets with cute messages, key chains, memorablia etc that you will find in plenty at your neighbourhood gift store (while they played an important part in adding up the numbers). I have noted down below the ones that he liked the most. Feel free to use them to make your birthdays / anniversary special.
- Gold band. I have always loved the christan wedding bands for their simplicity and elegance and I just couldn’t resist from buying the elegant band to adorn his finger. You will find this is any jeweller shop near your home. While buying this, carry his ring size or his existing ring to ensure that you get the size right.
- Personalised Magazine Cover where he was being declared as businessman of the year. This was mind blowing. You can go a step further and make a newspaper front page with articles on him.
- Personalised Calendar with 12 leaves with each leaf containing our favourite photographs
- My Hero! Poster, with his face superimposed on the body of leading actors – Salman Khan, Amir Khan and Shahrukh Khan
- Personalised cheque drawn on the bank of happiness promising the bearer love and kisses to end a lifetime
- Tibetan Singing Bowl to introduce him to new sounds and appeal to the experimenter in him
- Organic aromatherapy room freshener to relax him as well as remind him of my love for him
- Fake rose with a note that my love for him will last until the rose withered
- Seven vows of my marriage signed by me as a reminder to both of us of the promises made to each other for a life full of love and happiness
- Set of board game on which we could spend time together and further strengthen our relationship.
- A special bubble bath laid out for him. This is easily doable if you have a bathtub in your bathroom. Just fill it up with warm water, use bubble foam to create the bubbles. Alternatively, you can also use rose petals to cover the water surface. It will be so romantic. For best results, walk into the bath tub together J
- His favourite childhood games – Bubble blower, yo yo ball, board game. Since men will be men, I think your man will like these the best of the lot. I still remember him blowing bubbles all over the house for the next few days.
- Handwritten Love Letter – Pour your heart out and what you feel for him. This token of love he will cherish not just at that moment, but for his life.